A Dragon Tale

There once lived a wise and just king who ruled over a vast and prosperous land. One summer day a malady befell the land - a dragon of enormous size. Upon learning of the terror, the king summoned his advisors and councilors.

They debated and deliberated for a day and a night before recommending a martial solution. The king's oldest and bravest son was to take an army a thousand strong to defeat the beats. Agreeing with the assembly, he ordered it so.

H. Wise 9-9-15

Eight Minutes Remaining

Eight minutes remaining.

Jonathan wiped the sweat from his brow, chancing a quick look at Julia in the process.

'How many has she picked?' he marveled at the pile of locks in front of the neon-blue haired woman. 'She's got well over double me.'

Jonathan pressed into his work. A slight, clean-cut man, he looked like someone transported from the 1950s. Flick, flick, flick and he'd undone the lock in his hand. His left tossed it into the pile while his right fished for another. He chanced another glance.

'Shit,' he flinched. 'She's just picked two more!'

The Tomb

It'd been a long time, but the tomb was once again open.

"What do you make of that?" Johnny asked, pointing at the strange objects lined up against the wall.

"Oh, jeez! I don't know Johnny, what do you think they were used to make?"

"Make?"

"Yeah - they look like tools - maybe that one stirred something."

"Oh, you're right!" Johnny picked up one of the objects. "What do you think this one did?"

Just then there was a scream and a rush of air.

The Demon's Visit

There came a great triplet of knocks from the front door.

"Who could be calling at this hour?" Amanda thought, navigating through a darkened hallway. She'd been careful not to seem like she was reacting to the visitor until she knew it was safe.

As she silently peered through the peep-hole, she saw two demonic eyes meet hers and a mouth full of sharp teeth stretch into a smile.

An Open Letter to Open Trashcans

Dear Open-Top Trashcan 'neath Jefferson's visage,

I have finished my pretzel, salt and mustard and dough,
and now I must my wax paper throw.

Your friends with big-bellies I'd not neglect,
but your convenience is one I most certainly detect.

The Camping Trip (Part 3)

Continued from Part 2.

The four sat for a moment, rain pattering away.

"Well, that was kind of fucked up," Andrew broke the tension. “It wasn’t a bad story though, I’ll admit.”

“She ruined my story though!”

“Well, it killed some time, I suppose,” added Jeff. “Who’s up?”

“Andrew’s the one who thought this whole thing up - he should go,” Lydia said.

Suspirium puellarum Celadus thraex

"Orange juice?" Corporal Williams offered the Lieutenant a pouch full of Tang. After the third month, the Lieutenant had stopped correcting him.

"Sure," the Lieutenant said as he relaxed back into his chair. "I just can't figure it out. Everything in this room has a meaning. Something clear, something distinct. But this... this!"

"I understand sir and I wish I could help."

The White Whale

She was the pride of the fleet - a gleaming white ship with red trim that dominated any port she visited. And she was in trouble.

"Sir, we're reporting extensive damage throughout the ship - hydraulics are basically non-responsive, we're down to the last AA battery, and we're only running on a fifth of our power. If they're able to rearm and reinforce, well..."

The Dance

There is truth in the dance. Bodies interacting, people displaying a primal movement, bone-deep impulse - whatever it may be - released by the rhythm.

But, like the fart sound of two sweaty chests during sex, there is humor in the dance as well. At least Rodney was a good sport about it.

"It's not so much that he has two left feet," a voice floated out onto the floor. "He has a three legged race going on out there!" Rodney ignored the jab - he knew what he looked like. Beth, however...

"Hey you wanker!" she shouted at the unseen heckler. "Why don't you get a life!?"

"Beth, please," Rodney whispered, paired with an ill-timed hip thrust.

The Camping Trip (Part 2)

Continued from Part 1.

“So the prince and the farmer’s daughter got married and lived happily ever after.” Lydia finished up. 

The boys expressed their thanks for the story. Julia, however, was less than pleased. 

“That’s it? That’s your story?”

“Yes...is there something wrong with it?” Lydia asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, it sucked. How fucking girly.”