Sunday, March 31, 2024

Maiden Maker

[Content Warning: this story depicts gruesome mutilation. It’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever written. It’s what came out of my pen upon seeing the title.]

It was a shop like any other. The sigil of the flayed man was prominently displayed on the door (as per the Ordinance) and the window frames were sticky with putrefying blood. If one didn't notice the straw-packed effigy hanging outside the entrance one may have mistook it for the apothecary or the bowyer's shop. That’s assuming, of course, that Karg wasn't advertising outside.

"Maidens! Maidens! I take’r stock and make'm maidens!" 

His voice was one of a chorus of shopkeeps bellowing into the street. While the pitch and tenor of the vocals all meshed together from afar, each shopkeep had a distinct cadence that could be picked out by a trained ear. An ear like Gek's.

"Maiden Maker" Gek cried out to Karg from across the street. "Maiden Maker!"

Karg acknowledged Gek with one big wave and then encouraged him to enter the shop with another. Gek entered with his human captive in tow. 

"Dis da one?" Karg asked, if only to start the conversation. Gek modded, Karg pretended to inspect the captive as if he was going to recommend anything other than the total makeover package. "Good, good," "he added. "Lots to work with." 

"Caught 'm three days back," Get said proudly. "Got lotsa meat left on 'im" 

"Tink you should get da works," Karg recommended.

"Tink I should," Gek agreed. Karg hid his surprise - usually there was some pushback.

Monday, March 11, 2024

Spectral Assets

Art by Sabrina

"Hey Jay, are you buzzy right now?”

"Did you just say buzzy?"

"Busy. Busy. Sorry. Are you busy right now?"

"Why did you say ‘buzzy’?"

"Slip of the tongue, tongue, I swear."

"Sure, Fred, sure."

"I swear! Sorry."

"...fine. What do you want?" 

"I'm so sorry about my slip of the tongue. I didn't mean to imply anything." 

"Sure, sure. What did you want?"

"Well, Jay, I… uh… I was wondering if you could teach me how to dance."

"Really Fred. Really."

"What do you mean? I hear you're a great dancer."

"Yeah? You want me to tell you where the nearest flower is, you need some pollen pointers? Some insect interpretive dance? Fuck you."

"No. Jay! I swear I didn't mean anything. I heard you have some great moves and I could use pointers."

"You mean it?"

"I swear, Jay, I swear." 

"You're not putting me on?." 

"I'd never - I've known you most of your life."

"That's what, a month?" 

"A month, a year, who’s counting? I know you have the moves and I want to learn."

"I suppose you’re not wrong."

"Well, will you help me?"

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, Jay - I have a strong urge and I need to see something special." 

"Something special?" 

"Yeah, I want a mate with... well... a certain spectral asset."

"Fred, please spit it out." 

"Jay, sorry. I want you to teach me to dance so I can finally see some boo bees." 

Roar to Rawr

“What in the world is going on!?" Gene roared. 

"Nothing! Nothing, I swear!" Kelly responded, hastily pushing a box into a closet. 

"Nothing my butt! What are you hiding in there?" 

"Nothing?" Kelly responded slower this time. 

"That doesn't seem like nothing - that seems like something that you're doing a bad job of hiding from me." 

"Uhm," Kelly said slowly, "It is something, but for later" 


"Yes. A surprise!" 

"If it's such a surprise, why were you making so much noise as you put it in the closet?" 

"I didn't mean to - I just knocked over some boxes by accident.”

"On accident? 


“I think you woke me up on purpose.”

“Oh?” Kruk took a second before confessing. "You got me. I didn't mean to ‘wake you’ wake you - I thought you were just laying down."

“So what's up? What's in the closet?" 

"Nothing, babe - I'm wearing it."

With this Kelly slipped out of her over clothes to reveal some lacy lingerie.

"Happy Anniversary!"