Sunday, November 28, 2021

The Nothing

Have you ever looked into the void? The space behind your eyes as you look in to the mirror? The blackness where your soul is supposed to reside?

The nothingness?


I suppose it might not be Nothing for everyone. For me, however, behind my pinprick pupils as I look into my bathroom mirror, Nothing appears. No soul. No self. Nothing.

Friday, November 26, 2021

The Six Pillars (Guest Author)

As mentioned in the title, this is a guest post. Credit to Bria.

---

The folklore of the Six Pillars has kept itself alive in the minds of the villagers for hundreds of years. Elusive and ever-changing as the tale may be, locals never fail to draw inspiration and a strange sense of patriotism from the structure that has stood and thrived through the elements throughout the centuries. What does it mean? How was it made? It all remains a mystery, with deeper curiosities than the likes of the comparable relic of Stonehenge.


The barren land of Saphik is comprised of 3,300 acres of fruitless land; all resources stripped from the reservation due to lack of cultivation and residual devastation from wars endured throughout the years. Yet, a single monument continues to bear witness to what was. The Six Pillars stand tall and are made out of a mysteriously refined form of igneous rock mended with soot and a primitive concoction of cement. How could a symbol of culture and society exist in a wasteland? The existence of the structure has raised many questions, but birthed more stories and legends than logical explanations.

Even still, nearby villagers who thrive in livable ecosystems have still managed to draw inspiration from the pillars. It remains a symbol of hope, perseverance, and accomplishment in a land where the construction of such a monument is virtually impossible. The Saphik natives have claimed the land with their flag and aspire to transform it into the fertile territory that it was once believed it to be.

Sunday, November 14, 2021

Squirrelly

 "You're nuts."

"What about my nuts?"

"No, you are nuts - crazy!"

"Oh, I thought you were talking about my secret cache."

"You have a secret cache?"

"Of nuts. Yes."

"Why do you have a secret cache of nuts?"

"For the winter, of course."

"For the winter?"

"When there are no nuts."

"..."



"What should I do?"

"Order out?"

"I'd prefer my nuts."

"All winter?"

"Yeah, man."

"... okay."

Saturday, November 13, 2021

Empty (Guest Author)

 As mentioned in the title, this is a guest post. Credit to Matt DeCaro. I've tried to match his use of the page.

---

Hello

    thank you for being empty

        it's hard to be empty

            though

many are.

    "You hungry?"

        "Me? Sure."

            "You can draw anything."


"I'm good."

All i've been doing for months is eating it'd be nice
to
be
empty
again

Saturday, September 25, 2021

Fast Four Bar Poems

 El Bar Antagonism

All over a name

Almost witnessed a fight

How close we came


Men ordering drinks

Specials abound

One guy specifically

In need of a round


And then it happened

The worst insult of all

When the guy with the thirst

Was called... "cheeseball!"

Monday, May 24, 2021

Fuzzy Sun


The sun was fuzzy today. I wouldn't recommend a fuzzy sun. Golden? Sure. Pale? Sure. Midnight? Again, sure. Fuzzy not so much. Does fur travel at the speed of light?

I wouldn't say it was a gloomy day otherwise - while I didn't wake up full of vim & vigor, I was able to get out of bed at a reasonable time. I made it into the office before my boss and was able to get some work done in between visits to the break room, the bathroom, and a generous lunch. The owner's kid even made a pot of coffee for everyone. The day had not crushed me by overwork nor the ennui of underwork.

On my way home, however, I looked up. The sun was fuzzy.

I would not recommend a fuzzy sun.

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Catman?


"What do you mean you're not Batman?"

"Precisely that - I'm not Batman."

The homeowner eyed the responder slack jawed, his breathing audible over the commotion in the house behind him.

"But I called Batman."

"And he's not here," the bewhiskered man in the cat suit responded. "I am. What's the issue?"

"I specifically told the operator I needed Batman!"

"Sir, what's your emergency?"

"Why would they send you?"

"I was nearby. What's the problem?"

"The problem is: I WANTED BATMAN!"

"THE PROBLEM IN YOUR HOUSE!"

"I SET MY WIFE ON FIRE!"

Friday, April 16, 2021

The Slushie Slut


"Verily I say unto thee, I require another”

The bartender appraised the woman for a moment, taking in a missing shoe, a cape, and a tit one dance move away from escaping her top. She sighed, looking at a bar full of other customers.

“Honey, what is your deal?” The bartender asked.

“Verily I say unto thee - I am the slushie slut! I am here to liberate your slushies. Forsooth!”

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

The Offer

 


"Sit, my friend, sit."

The office was a lair of mahogany, red leather, and cigar smoke; the indicated chair no less a constrictor than the other furniture and, indeed, no less a monster than the inhabitant of the high-backed chair across the desk. An inhuman puff of smoke wafted toward the ceiling and exploded across the surface as it made contact. There was a moment of silence as the white cloud dissipated into the brown textured tiles.

"Well?" The moment was over. I sat.

"You have something I want," them monster growled, safe in his lair. "I think I have something you want. I'll make you an offer."

I waited for a bit for the offer to become explicit.

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

The Lifesaver

 


"That's not yours!" squawked Shelly. "Someone might need that in case of an emergency."

"It is, nevertheless, now mine," stated Slim. "Possession is nine-tenths of the law."

"Legal possession! When you've come into something legally the courts are more likely to uphold your right to possess it if it's in your possession." Shelly took a big breath. "Conversely, you're more likely to be held responsible for wrongdoing if the object of intrigue is still in your possession. That's to say you'll get in trouble if you have stolen jewelry in your home even if you weren't the one who stole it."

"Are you a cop?"

"No, but,"

"Are you going to tell the cops?"

"No, but,"

"Then that legal shit doesn't mean a fucking thing. The lifesaver is now mine and there's fuck-all you can do about it."