Have you ever looked into the void? The space behind your eyes as you look in to the mirror? The blackness where your soul is supposed to reside?
I suppose it might not be Nothing for everyone. For me, however, behind my pinprick pupils as I look into my bathroom mirror, Nothing appears. No soul. No self. Nothing.
I was recently at a park. I watched parents and kids and lots of dogs playing. Living. I tried to remember the sensation. I found myself squeezing my hands together - an involuntary spasm of attempted feeling. Squeezing but no juice. Blood from a stone.
I don't know why I am this way. I don't know if anyone else feels the same. There is certainly no way I feel the same as others.
Some of this, I suppose, is due to a woman. Not just a woman. The woman who took whatever filled my Nothing before I met her.
I am biased. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met. She's the smartest, most hard-working, most wholesome woman who has ever existed.
This is all a lie and I know it.
I am, however, helpless against her.
I have framed that as her versus me. This, too, is not the truth. It's me versus me. She doesn't know. I am Nothing. Unnoticed. A Void (avoid).