The New Neighbor

John had just finished his first cup of coffee for the morning when he heard a knock upon his front door. Thinking it was his car pool arriving quite a bit early, he rushed to open it without checking first. To his surprise, he now stood face to face with an olive green mass of flesh with four arms, six eyes, and a mouth full of big yellow teeth. John stared, not knowing quite what to do.

The Climb

It was going to be a long way up, but I knew it'd be worth the trouble. I'd been looking for some new hunting grounds, and the remoteness of this spot seemed ideal. Hopefully I'd catch enough today to last me a few weeks, but I'd settle for just a good dinner.

I set out at dawn.

College Dreams

It had to arrive today. John and Amy had got “yes” yesterday and Mike, to no one's surprise, got the #10 size business envelope containing the brief rejection letter. I could hardly sit through my last class of the day – when the bell rang, I was the first person to reach their car.

Yes, we can make a corsage for your prom date.

I woke up at just after five in the morning. Showered, put on some makeup, threw on some clothes that were mostly clean, and grabbed a couple slices of whole-grain bread as I rushed out the door, certain to be late. Again. I ate the bread as I unlocked my bike, using the familiar juggle - key in hand, bread in hand, lock in hand, bread in mouth, key in mouth, lock on bike, key in pocket.

In regard to your concerns...

Gravity is a bitch.

Seriously, to be completely frank, it is tough to count just how many times gravity has fucked me over personally, and that's not to count how many times it's fucked me over professionally. But we have to make due, and continue on our paths as best we can.

Pap.

Pap.

Not “Pappy”, not “Paps” - Pap.

Directions

Depending on who you talk to, you either add the mild or the ice cream first. On the pros of “milk first”, you have a better notion of how much milk you've added to the mix. In ice cream's defense, pouring milk in second reduces the amount of splash that you encounter. In either case, you add any other ingredients third, in no particular order.

Blend, mix, stir, whatever, and you've got yourself a milkshake.

Good job.

Shattered Glass

This summer hadn't gone smoothly. Federal budget cuts turned into state budget cuts, which turned into local budget cuts. These cuts in the public sector meant massive layoffs in the public sector, which meant the neither the governments nor the employees could buy from the private sector, which meant budget cuts and layoffs there, too. Profits are at an all time high, mind you, just fewer people are still benefiting from these profits. Some people were pissed about this, and that's where I come in – I make my money by protecting those profits.

Less than a Mile from Safety

Ice clung to my beard, turning my face into a glassy portrait. I only needed to travel one more mile to the base camp – warmth- but this wasn't exactly a Sunday stroll around the local park.

Hot Coffee

He made me hot.

Oh, God. The heat flowed through my veins. I couldn't help but huff; my breath became ragged and loud as he... Pressed all the right buttons and turned all the right knobs.

I screamed.

I screamed at my climax, and I knew everyone around could hear.

I screamed as I squirted.

I screamed.

The excitement soon ended. The customer had his espresso; the barista turned me off.

Until next time.