"Fuck you, you slithery son of a bitch!" I screamed in terror as I kicked at a snake with my pants around my ankles. I let out a few more choice curses as the bendy bastard eluded my kicks but wouldn't leave the strike zone of an angry man on a toilet.
Finally, finally, it made its way under a cabinet so I could perform a quick wipe and regain a full range of motion. I stared the cabinet down as I quickly washed my hands. I soon after began a quest to arm myself against the intruder, toilet unflushed.
My immediate options were limited. Toilet brush? Plunger? Neither really fit the bill, but really, what in the house would? I didn't exactly have a side gig of snake-wrangling that I could go open the toolbox and have all my snake-catching gear available.
I picked up the plunger and made a quick list of non-toilet options. Hammer? Maybe I could use it sideways? A knife probably wasn't the answer, nor was a grilling fork. Anything without a handle was probably a no-go as well, so what was left? A broom?
I could probably flush (heh) the beast out and pin it with the bristles of my little broom, then smack it with a hammer. Maybe. Hopefully. If I were quick.
Wary of letting the thing loose, I went to gather supplies.
A fifteen minute sprint, written 27 September 2017.