Thursday, April 13, 2017

An Assessment

Where am I at today? I feel like it's another glass-half-empty day, though there's no real reason to feel that way (other than, perhaps, a bit of a hangover). My objectives of the day were: do my taxes (complete), go to Cooperage (complete), bring my laundry up from the basement (to be completed), and podcast (failed). I'm in a weird place emotionally; I feel like my insides are being squeezed. I'm a mess - and unwarranted stress and the feeling of not having accomplished anything twist me up inside.

The doodle on this particular document.

I must produce something soon something soon. It feels like every obligation - from eating to laundry to friends to work - is a fishhook ripping at my skin as I try to walk forward. I am impatient for success but lazy in pursuit. This impatience, however, has not bred haste; rather it's only fed frustration, planting a seed around which other stresses have grown. Around which my waistline has grown.

What step should I take next? I can barely focus on the next ten minutes, relying on systems a more intellectually solid Simon set up to provide some semblance of a path forward. Part of me says sleep and masturbate. Life will go on without me and I can rejoin any time. I can most certainly get away with more shit than I give myself credit for and should start making bad decisions to take advantage of that fact.

So what's next? Work tomorrow, where I might actually earn my pay. N is coming over in the evening. All the guys are in for a bachelor party on Saturday, after which I might stay with N. Sunday might be a board game day. Monday is work. Tuesday is free, I think, though if I haven't by then, I must MUST record a podcast. Wednesday is work. Thursday is Coop. Friday is work. Such is my life - an easier schedule than most, yet I'm in the state I'm in.

  • Podcast
  • Letters
  • Contractor
  • Money Math
  • SEPTA Key
  • Bank
  • Websites

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