Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Corpse isn't the only Stiff

"Oh, fuck," I thought. "Who gets a boner at a funeral?"

Seriously - sadness, dead people, crying. Why has this happened now? I'm surrounded by folks who are close enough to taking a trip in that casket themselves - how is this happening?

I suppose this is one of those oddities of owning a teenage body - unexpected, unwanted boners at the worst possible time. Need to demonstrate a math problem on the chalkboard? Naturally you're as hard as a board. Need to give a talk in science class? Your biology has other ideas. Teacher wants you to stand up and list of verb declensions? You're a bit on the incline. Sucks to be you.

To deal with the situation at hand though, I did my best to deflate my body's expectations. Dead people. Old people. Dog shit. This isn't working, and I don't feel like starting a new fetish. Another tack: nothing; blank walls; the color white. No luck.

Fine, fine, I'll deal with it. It'll go away soon enough, as long as I don't have to get up while I've... got it up. What's this? Just my luck - time to walk up and pay our respects.

Okay, I can do this. Everyone's focused on the casket - just stand up, put my hands in my pockets, and point the beast upward. I might just get away with it.

To be fair though, what's the worst that can happen? Someone laughs out loud during a funeral?

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