Creation

Art by Matt

"Look what I made," I said, holding my creation up for all to see.

Nobody seemed to notice.

"Look what I made!" I said a little more forcefully.

Again, nobody seemed to notice.

I went up to the nearest man and showed him my creation.

"Look what I made," I implored.

"Oh, nice," he said, looking at it for a mere moment.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"Sure, it's great," he answered. "Now why don't you go show it to someone else."

Happy Burstday!

Content Warning: a gory death

Art by Shane

"Happy Burstday!" the crowd cheered at me.

"Thanks," I said. "But it's not my birthday?"

"Not his birthday! Not his birthday!" a smaller man with red hair and a green-and-yellow striped shirt cackled.

"Not his birthday!" the crowd echoed, then broke into laughter.

"I'm serious though! It's not my birthday!" I tried.

"We never said it was," answered the strange man.

"But you-"

"It's your BURST day!" the man said, grinning from ear to ear.

A Long Little Doggy

Art by AJ

"I said 'get along little doggy'!"

"Yeah, and I asked 'how long?' I don't understand the confusion."

"No, it's just a saying, like 'move along' or 'hit the dusty trail'."

"And what does it have to do with dogs?"

"Nothing, I suppose. There aren't any reptiles involved in 'later alligator' or 'in a while, crocodile' phrases."

Little Kitten

Art by Gabby

"Mrow?" the most adorable kitten vocalized as she looked up at me.

"Meow!" I responded automatically.

"Mrow?" she vocalized again.

"What do you want?" I wondered aloud.

I squatted down and, after a 'these are my hands' pause, I stroked her gray fur for a little bit. She moved and wiggled and rubbed against my hand. Her purrs vibrated against my fingers.

"Where did you come from?" I wondered some more. My inquiry was met with another purr. The kitten rubbed against my hand, its fuzz a delight against my knuckles.

In Emily We Trust

Art by Bennett

"Dick Tracy isn't just some party game, you know," Emily said, pointing at my crotch. "It's also a comic book and stuff."

"Watch," I said, pen in hand.

"I already saw!" Emily exclaimed.

"No, he had a watch. It was a radio or something too." I explained.

"Oh, true," Emily said. "That doesn't explain what you're doing."

"Nothing really - just following some advice I read in a book."

"Tyler, what was the title of this book?"

"Ten Ways to Ruin Your Life - why?"

The Drying Pad

Am I am idiot? 

Is there a truth that has not been revealed to me? 

Why do the people who prepare food in my house use the drying pad to prepare their food? 

I didn't think this would be controversial or contentious, but here we are: the absorbent mat we use to put freshly cleaned dishes on to dry is the number one spot for coffee grounds, raw meat, and veggies ready to eat. It can't be moved to make more counter space. It can't be cleaned after it gets dirty. No, it must have a little taste of all the food we are soon to eat. 

I suppose I'm the dumb one, as everyone seems to use it the same way. 

Maybe one day I'll be enlightened. Maybe one day a bolt of lightning will strike me and I'll see the truth. That'll probably the same day I lose the ability to see crumbs and grease and ants.

Sunset

Art by Dan

We sat there for a long time. Together. Quiet. Watching the water and the setting sun and the breeze rustle through the grass and the leaves. We were at peace, together, despite the circumstances. I was loath to leave, but nothing lasts forever. Nothing lasts forever.

I was the first to move, the first to break the silence. I squeezed his hand for an eternity that was probably five or ten seconds and let him know it was time to go. I was the first to stand up. I was always the first.

As we walked back to the car, I mused on being first. Out of a score of cousins and the dozen of aunts, uncles, and parents who raised us, I had been the first to complete college. I was also the first girl in our family who hadn't gotten pregnant as a teenager. I was on my way toward breaking out of a small town and finding something bigger for myself. Until, of course, something small found me.

Dick Dragon

Art by Elizabeth

"I thought you all breathed fire," I said, looking up at the great wyrm. The beast, two stories tall with wings that could hide a house, scowled down at me.

"That's racist," it sputtered.

"Sorry! I didn't mean-"

"Oh, nobody ever means it."

"I, I just mean it wasn't my intent to insult you."

"Yet here we are."

Germination

Art by Cardi

"Oh, babe, we're going to have to disinfect that. Come with me."

"Is that the burny stuff?"

"Hydrogen peroxide, yes. I'm sorry honey, but we don't want any germs to get in."

"I don't want to."

"I know you don't hon, but a little hurt now is better than a lot of hurt later."

"I don' wanna!"

"It'll be so quick and we'll put a little medicine on. You can even pick the band-aid and I'll kiss it to make sure it heals up nice."

"Can I get a dinosaur?"

Vampire Snail

Art by Petra

 "What's the meaning of this?"

"What's the meaning of what?"

"This! My car! What the fuck is this all about?"

"What? It's a joke!"

"A joke! You painted shit all over my car!"

"Yeah, I got you a paint job. It's the letter 'S' all over the car."

"What. The. Fuck."