In Emily We Trust

Art by Bennett

"Dick Tracy isn't just some party game, you know," Emily said, pointing at my crotch. "It's also a comic book and stuff."

"Watch," I said, pen in hand.

"I already saw!" Emily exclaimed.

"No, he had a watch. It was a radio or something too." I explained.

"Oh, true," Emily said. "That doesn't explain what you're doing."

"Nothing really - just following some advice I read in a book."

"Tyler, what was the title of this book?"

"Ten Ways to Ruin Your Life - why?"

"Why? What? Why would you want to ruin your life?"

I stood there, caught with my dick in my hands. Idiomatically and in actuality.

"Sounded good?" I offered.

"There's no way that sounded good, Tyler. What are you thinking?"

"I wasn't really."

"Wasn't what?"

"Wasn't thinking. I wanted to do something different. To feel something different."

"You want to abandon paradise?"

"No, but-" I didn't finish my thought.

"We have to fix this," Emily said after a moment."

"Do we?"

"Yes, jeez. I don't care if you want to ruin your life, but I can't let you ruin both our lives."

"I don't want to ruin my life - I just want to feel something different. To feel like a kid again."

"You literally said you read a book titled Ten Ways to Ruin Your Life."

"Yeah, but-"

"So you read this book and decided to do penis puppetry on your public-facing social media?"

"I just don't feel alive anymore. It feels like I'm in a dream. I want something different."

"Tyler, are you nuts? We're in paradise - this is your mansion. Your beach view. Hell, just last week we were on your yacht watching flying fish pass by. Why in the world do you want to give this all up? To ruin your life?"

"I… I don't know. I just wanted to feel something real."

A notification rang out from my phone and ricocheted around the room.

"Are you still live streaming?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Everyone just heard all that?"

"Only top level fans." I looked into the camera. "Remind your friends to like and subscribe!"

"How fuckin' juvenile can you be?"

"I never got to be juvenile!" I shot back.

"What are you talking about?"

"My childhood was managers and tour schedules and performance after performance."

"And now you have money and time to enjoy your life - our life."

"You just don't understand, Emily. Hip-hop stole my youth."