A Long Little Doggy

Art by AJ

"I said 'get along little doggy'!"

"Yeah, and I asked 'how long?' I don't understand the confusion."

"No, it's just a saying, like 'move along' or 'hit the dusty trail'."

"And what does it have to do with dogs?"

"Nothing, I suppose. There aren't any reptiles involved in 'later alligator' or 'in a while, crocodile' phrases."

"That's a caiman, Simon."

"What?"

"That's a caiman, Simon."

"I heard you. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Oh, I was going along with the reptile-based turns of phrase."

"That's... but... what?"

"You said 'later allig-'"

"I know what I said, I'm just perplexed by the insanity of your response."

"What's insane about it?"

"First and foremost, what the fuck is a caiman? Second, who's Simon? Third, that's not a way of saying goodbye, and fourth THAT'S NOT A SAYING!"

"They're reptiles that look like baby alligators or crocodiles but are technically their own species."

"What? Are you making fun of me?"

"No sir, you said your first question was 'what's a caiman?' so I figured that was most important."

"No, what's most important is that you made that up - I was focusing on real phrases real people use to say goodbye."

"You should have said that from the get-go, gecko."

"I think I'm going to strangle you."

"Why's that?"

"'Cause you keep making shit up and pretending you've never heard the phrase 'get along, little doggy'."

"I haven't heard of it and no it's my turn to have issues."

"No it's not-"

"First and foremost, are we doing mammals now? I thought we were doing reptiles. Second, that saying doesn't even rhyme. Third, along and a long are pretty indistinguishable aloud - like aloud and allowed and a loud - so how was I supposed to know you weren't compelling me to purchase a dachshund?"

"Because it's a normal phrase for normal people!"

"Well, I guess I'm just not normal."

"Damn straight you're not."

"That's not very nice."

"I don't have to be nice."

"But the customer is always right!"

"Oh, so now you DO know common phrases."

"Some, apparently, what's it to you?"

"Well, nothing, actually. Nothing. Please just leave."

"I'd rather stick around and purchase a hound."

"Holy shit. Get The Fuck Out. We closed a half hour ago."

"Okey dokey artichokey."

"I will call the police."