Stardate 25, 25. The strangest thing happened to me today. I woke up to find most of my space crops destroyed by tiny space bugs. I've tried my best to get rid of them, but they have proved more resilient than I'd ever imagined. I have tried drowning, burning, and squishing - essentially, I've run out of food.
Out of options, I tried to eat some of the bugs, but now I find myself vomiting uncontrollably. After I finished eating the vomit, I was oddly satiated. Perhaps this could keep me alive?
Next issue: where will I go to the bathroom? I didn't bring a fire hydrant. I've been holding it for nearly two lightyears now. Two lightyears... that means, I'm, like, 220 years old now. I'm going to need quite a few candles on my next cake - bug cake, I suppose.
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