Monday, April 30, 2018

Pants on Fire

"That's right sir, your APR can never exceed six percent."

"Did... did your nose just grow?"


"It totally did - twice!" The customer pointed at the salesman's nose. "What the fuck?"

"I don't want to talk about it," the salesman said, fiddling with his coat.

"Are you Pinnocchio?"

"Does my nametag say Pinnocchio?"

"No, but that doesn't mean you're not."

"Fair point. Anyhow, would you like to purchase this fine automobile?"

"I'm not so sure anymore. What was the deal with the APR?"

The salesman fiddled a bit more before placing his hands flat on the papers on his desk. The bald, mustachioed man sucked in a great breath and exhaled slowly for three or so seconds.

"Your APR is not likely to go above six percent."

"So it can?"

"Yes, but it's not likely."

The customer took a long look at the salesman, sizing him up as best as possible.

"How not likely?"

"A lot would have to go wrong for your APR to spike like that."

"Okay, I suppose that's fair. If you want this sale though, you have to tell me one thing."

"The nose?"

"The nose."

The salesman let out a defeated sigh.

"My mother-in-law hates me and wanted my life to be as hard as possible. How do you screw over a salesman? Make it so he can't lie. So, here I am. Cursed." The salesman paused. "So, do we have a deal?"

"Well, seeing as the car seems great and you're unable to lie about it, we have a deal!" The customer said extending his hand for a handshake. The salesman took it and started working through the paperwork a moment later.

A few hours later, after locking everything up and ringing in the day's sales, the salesman stared at himself in the mirror. He removed the makeup, then the spirit gum, then the nose. He carefully placed it in a small hard-plastic case. He smiled.

"Gets'em every time."

[written 21 Oct '17]

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